Sunshine Before Rain
by BlueDiamondStar
Summary: He lived like that for years. Until one day his pain was too much. The end was also the beginning... Absolutely AU. Somewhere around the season 9-ish but not too much dealing with the team. ENJOY! *ON HIATUS* TBC
1. Chapter 1

**Day 1**

The sunshine slipped into the room and cast its rays on the red carpet. The wind lightly played with the curtains bringing the fresh ocean air into the room.

A man was lonely sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. His eyes were closed and a small stream of tears had flown down his cheek leaving the trail still shining into light.

He was still sitting there without a movement even after the sun had moved closer to the horizon. Actually he sat there before the sun came up in the morning. But it was nothing compared to the fact he was sitting like that for days. But only today he let his pain out for a bit.

But then he was still here. In the dark room of a motel somewhere by the ocean. The week ago he was sitting on the beach several days. Without movement. Until people get too nosey.

Now there were some upcoming curiosity from motel manager. But it was just something he could handle, couldn't he?  
>Maybe some days later. Or today. But he'll stay in this place until.. Until what? He dies? Maybe. Maybe that's the reason after all. Maybe he just wanted to die.<p>

But did he really want that? He wasn't so sure now. But nevertheless he'd try to do something to end this...  
>His phone vibrated. He didn't has to check the callers ID for that. He already knew... His coworkers and friends were on hunting spree again. He made his phone untraceable for them. He made sure they won't find him. So he kept ignoring them.<br>A sudden ache deep inside made him groan. He'd be feeling these aches for a good time now. He tried to take a deep breath but it just didn't came. He'd barely take a small sip of the air without pain or coughing. He knew...  
>It was close. His end...<p>

And there was nothing to do. Just wait...

He sighed and put his hands back down on his lap. He knew it's gonna be very painful but he tried anyways.  
>The stiffness was terrible. He couldn't feel his back nor his neck. His head seemed to be extremely heavy. A deep ache stung in his chest. It took a while but he managed to avoid another coughing fit.<br>But it still was too hard to breathe.

He just let himself lay on to the bed and slipped into deep darkness...


	2. Chapter 2

**Day 2**

The ray of bright sunshine woke him up. The feeling was horrible. He was completely stiff and his muscles made a pure job of torturing him. Somehow he managed to stretch himself back to his normal self.

He glanced at his clock that told him it was time to leave. But he really didn't felt like leaving. But he had to. He really wanted just bury himself six feet under the ground and be the forgotten one. But of course he couldn't.

Today he felt more miserable than usual and that made him feel very depressed. It's been years since he first felt like this. But now there was noone to help him.

He started packing when a sudden and too harsh movement reminded him of the real reason he was running... His wife.  
>She made clear, with baseball bat and three inch stiletto, where his real place was. Even after years she still hated him for his past mistakes. She blamed him. Really badly.<p>

When a coughing fit was over he leaned on the bed and stayed that way for a moment. It got worse. Now it took much longer to catch a breath..

Was he dying? Or is that just a sick, twisted reaction to few punches?  
>He didn't care anymore.<p>

With the sudden bout of anger he quickly packed his few belongings and left.  
>He didn't know where, why or what for. But he was going back.<p>

Maybe it was just a damn emotional breakdown or just anger boiling. He didn't know. He know only one thing. Time has come.  
>And for the first time he wasn't afraid. He wasn't lost.<br>No, he was determined.

Determined to get answers. No matter how.

He knew ways how to make people pray for their lives. How to make them scream for relief. Yeah he'd learned it hard way. And he was ready to use that if there wasn't any other way left.

He smiled at blue sky and ocean breeze.  
>He was going home.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Day 3**

He stepped out of his car and stood just looking at the huge building in front. He watched people rushing in and out. Like ants.  
>He stood there for a while. All the memories washed over him like waterfall.<p>

He turned around sighing and got back into car. He wasn't in the mood anyways. The time hasn't come yet.

Ryan enjoyed the speed. Finally after years he felt completely free.

He drove around for a while and stopped only when nearly bumped into traffic sign. But he ended up skidding into trash can.  
><em>Great Wolfe, not a day without accidents<em>, he thought, waiting for stars in his vision to disappear, and, casting a glance around, drove off.

He pulled up at beach and got out of the car.

It felt awkward and he could feel dizziness taking over. He sat down on his car's hood and laid down closing his eyes.  
>Now he had only two things to do.<p>

Meet his colleagues. And his wife.

He was ready for first. But the second will be devastating.

Now he considered which thing he should do first...

He opened his eyes. The decision was maden. He'll do the easier part first...


	4. Chapter 4

**Day 4**

He woke up with a start. For a moment he couldn't realise where he was but then a splitting headache reminded him that he must've fallen asleep on the hood of his car. But looking around he noticed himself lying on the ground.  
>Like always when he was sleeping he woke up fallen off the bed. In this case car. He sighed and looked at the watch. It was about time.<p>

Ryan pulled up at MDPD Crime Lab. The rush hour had already started with all the people walking through the main entrance.  
>He fished out his ID and entered the place he used to call home for about 7 years.<br>Nothing much was changed. In fact if anything at all. To him the changes were barely noticeable.  
>He managed to avoid other people all his way to Locker Room. There he stopped at his locker. Nothing was touched. He took the bag he kept in locker and started to put his things in. Suddenly he heard footsteps behind.<p>

"Planning to run away, Mr. Wolfe?"

Ryan gulped. He should've predicted that.

"H. You knew. " he said still packing his things.

" I always know, always. " H simply said walking closer.

Ryan sighed deeply. He knew, of course. And now he felt totally stupid. Not he hadn't ever felt that.  
>But then again he'd never acted this stupid.<p>

" H, I'm gonna leave. My life's totally screwed and I don't feel I have any other chance here." he decided to let that out. After all this was last time he ever sees the man.

"Are you sure, son? I don't want you to leave. We can help you to deal whatever's going to your life." he offered.

"Oh H, thanks, but not this time. I don't even know what's gonna happened to me next. I... I just feel this is it. I'm not coming back. Not anymore.." he finished trying not to sound like goodbye. But he knew this sounded like farewell.

"Ryan, son. I could help you. You just need to let me do that."

"Yeah. Probably. But I'm not sure if this will help me. I've tried." he fought terrible dizzy spell companied by stabbing pain in his chest. "H, I'm not sure if I'll make through this. It's been already too hard not to answer all the calls..." he felt the blood seeping from his nose.

Horatio noticed Ryan's wobbly look and the blood starting to seep from his nose.  
>"Son? You ok? Come, sit down" he helped Ryan to bench while getting the paper towels. He got worried of the young man that suddenly looked so ill and fragile...<p>

Ryan felt so embarrassed. He never let his vulnerability out. Especially not to H.  
>But he was just a guy who organizes his cereal. He let H know about his OCD. Wasn't that a sign?<br>Yeah he got nail in his eye years ago. He'd fought some bad guys. Failed to shot at someone. Got fired and thrown out like a piece of crap. Got tortured. Shot someone. Was through two fires, even blown up. He chased several perps and nearly fell over bridge. Has been into fights and got knocked out. Once got drugged and almost drown.  
>Wasn't that eventful? And not once he'd let his actual feelings out in the daylight.<br>He never admit being weak or that he was in pain.  
>But all of a sudden he admitted his vulnerability.<p>

"Are you feeling better, son?" Horatio's voice brought him back.

"I... I don't know. Maybe just a little... Just as much as I can feel. H... I don't know.." Ryan got confused.

"Ryan, please, tell me."

It was just a simple sentence but he felt like being asked thousands.  
>"I'm sick. Really sick." he started. And then words just kept coming out. "I can die. And I'm married. My wife and I got into terrible fights and last time I got too far. And we nearly finished each other." he took a breath barely avoiding another coughing fit. "I ran away. After she nearly killed me. I fled and now she's trying to find me to finish." Ryan stopped to take a breath.<p>

"How long this is happening?" H asked.

"Four years. But the worst only two."

"What happened?"

"I... I... Frankly I don't remember anymore. Last thing I know was that she hit me with something. I woke up in a pool of blood. I have no idea how long I slept there. But after that I got sick. I know it's been while now but..." he stopped struggling to keep his mind straight. "Ow! My head. Hurts." he barely could speak. But H was quick. He found meds Ryan needed and passed them to the young man.  
>Ryan took meds and for a while there was silence...<p>

Ryan knew this was going to hurt but he must do that.  
>"H? I don't know what I'm gonna do now. I can barely handle myself. How am I gonna deal with this?" he asked his voice creaking. It was almost a whisper but it was heard.<p>

"We'll get through this, son, we'll get through." H said.

Ryan just nodded and then let himself slip into darkness knowing he's in good hands now...


	5. Chapter 5

**Day 5**

He woke with a start. Not sure where he was. But it felt so good. Bed so comfy. Covers so soft. It felt as if he was on some kind of cotton cloud.

The room was dimly lit but he still felt too lazy to open his eyes.

He kept lying there letting himself slowly wake up. And as more his mind woke more memories returned and now he was able to guess who's place he was. Because he knew it wasn't his dorm.

H was sitting alone in his kitchen wondering about what exactly has happened previous day.

It kinda left him surprised that it all happened. He never expected any of that. Heck he didn't even know Ryan was married. How he managed to hide it from everyone? Why he hid it in first place?

The questions were shooting around his head.

He looked at his watch, 8:30am. Shouldn't he be already awake?

But he didn't want to rush the boy. That kid had been through so much stuff that he better be relaxing.

Ryan looked around the room when everything from the day before came back to him. Of course what else could that be? He was still alive and in the same piece he was previous day.

But he could feel it. Deep inside his body. This ache. Annoying. Intense. Bugger.

He got out of bed feeling the heaviness of previous events spiking up. Sighing he walked to large window. It was early morning, he could tell.

But it didn't matter to him. He was screwed anyways. His original plan failed. But he didn't care anymore. Not today.

Today he just wanted to forget everything and sink deep into darkness and disappear from the surface of the earth. But he knew it wasn't going to happen.

His look glanced over the nightstand. Three bottles of meds and two inhalators. A glass of water stood by, obviously H had thought about him.

H. He sighed again. He kinda feared to face the man. Why? He assumed it was embarrassment of showing his weakness.

Yeah his chances of escape was cut short by his bleeding nose and splitting headache. And he happened to have company by then.

He took one bottle and took few pills out, then took next and did same. After third bottle a pile of pills laid on his palm. Damn her. He shoved all of them in his mouth and washed it away with water. Usually he took something stronger but he let this be an exception. Then he puffed first inhalator in his month swallowing the misty liquid with deep intake of breath. Then the second thing followed.

That being done he went after his jacket and stuffed his little artillery inside its pockets, apart from one bottle and one inhalator. Those two were emergency that needed to be placed in his jeans pockets.

He looked out of the window again. Seemed that weather had decided to ajoin in his own sorrow mirroring his sadness in the stone cold Miami sky. It was time to face the fate.

"Good morning, son." a voice from kitchen greeted him at the moment he put a foot on the floor.

"Morn, H" he mumbled back, taking a seat at kitchen counter.

"How are you feeling?"

Ryan thought for a moment. How did he actually felt?

"Okay. I guess."

Like a shit.

"So then we need to take care of your problem." H said, looking at the young man who looked far worse than he let admit. But it was Ryan. Kid was always pretending to be perfectly fine when he actually was barely hanging.

"Maybe I shouldn't throw it on your shoulders. I could've dealt with it just fine." he tried to brush it off.

"Ryan, I don't think you'd dealt with that. In your condition."

"My condition is my problem. I shouldn't have take my mess on you. I better leave" Ryan told quite sternly, raising up and starting to leave when H stopped him.

"Son, you don't have to do this all alone. You still have friends that want to help you. Don't push them away." he tried to calm the boy. "We can and we will help you. Just don't leave." H nearly begging.

"Ok. I'll let you help me." Ryan finally gave up. It was quite useless to insist otherwise.

After short breakfast H took Ryan to lab where he had to tell his story to rest of the team.

For Ryan it was considerably hard task to deal with. And all he ever wanted was to just drop by and say goodbyes. And that was all. Only thing he returned for. But what he got? Everybody's stares and some tears.  
>But it was touching. At least he could see how much they really cared.<br>And it warmed his heart.

When the day slowly crept to other side he'd finished most of the important details about his so called problem. Of course he let out some details that were only his buisness.

Now they were all so eager to find his wife. To make her pay for all she'd done to him.  
>Yeah like it could somehow magically make him ok again. But it couldn't. And there was nothing to do about it. Not anymore. Not ever again.<br>But it was missed train. And he had made peace with himself and whatever godlike figure could imagine. Like prisoners after their last meal.

Yeah this was now his last meal.  
>He looked out at all people springing in and out of the building through the window of his old lab. His lab where he felt like king. Trace. How many extra hours he'd spent here falling asleep on table. But who counts? It was all past now.<br>Past he wouldn't get back. Not by any miracle. Now his only way was there. Where was no way back.

He walked out of the building, noone ever noticed. Like a ghost. A shadow.  
>For most of his life he's been a shadow. But now he really felt tired of being one.<p>

He watched the sun slipping down the sky, towards the ocean. One of the most beautiful views. And he realized it's probably the last time he sees it. And today it seemed especially magnificent.

He rubbed his hands, feeling his wedding band. A reminder of better days. Days that could actually made him happy.  
>But today he's happy only about one thing, the sunset.<p> 


End file.
